The joy of my life can be wrapped up in 3 names… ok 4 in a few months
Joshua, Lucy, Linda and my latest surprise.
Yes, it is motherhood has filled my life,
Validated me among the mocking sideways glances,
Where I am considered little more than a maid, little less than a person!
Being a mother has meant life itself to me,
And so while I sat nursing Linda at the east balcony,
Contemplating throwing her small body off the side,
Thinking how quick and painless it would be,
How her small body would give up quickly and the constant crying and fidgeting would stop.
I called my sister up to give her a bath,
And I did not touch her for another 3 months.
When I did, I remembered that I was a mother,
I am a mother.
I am her mother.
My husband, of course didn’t notice,
As far as he is concerned he is concerned,
I know nothing of a rent controlled house on Thika road,
Whose occupant has an unsavory taste for cheap roadside lip gloss…
And weaves that are 100% human hair on the pack but 100% riveroad chuom on the inside!
His little whores are welcome distractions,
His new money has directed old tempers towards them,
And gives me more time without a black eye, without a sleepless night,
Without creeping around the house at night for some brandy to calm my nerves…
I no longer have to make up stories for the children so they never really know their father!
Of course he can’t be bothered to take a deeper interest in me,
For so long as a delicious supper is ready by 8pm,
Family time during the 9pm news
An all too revealing piece of lingerie is on by 10pm,
He won’t find out about my farm and my desire to be someone.
I envy the women out there,
Their ignorance shelters them from the reality of being the ‘Typical African Housewife’,
It’s not all kitchens, kids, chamas and hubbies,
It’s not all contented smiles and smiling family photos.
Sometimes it’s dying a little everyday so that everyone else can live a little every day…
My will is fueled only by the purity of the love I have for my family,
My children see me worthy, and within the confines of my home,
I am the law. I am a colossus. And that is not a democracy.
My husband is the envy of his friends and partners,
Why? Because of me!
My children are behaved and well rounded,
Why? Because of me!
My home is the kind of place you come to find solace.
Why? Because of me!
And they have a wealth of life and love.
Why? Because of me!
AmarePoeta
Outside my mind 